Hope Marseille Isn't a Handful!

Ninja M and I began our friendship nearly five years ago. Eighteen months ago he began his campaign to end it.

On November 28, 2008, I received an email from Ninja M. It contained a picture of me on my couch watching television holding a small white kitten - my friend AV's - as it pawed at my face. I remained concentrated on the television, probably because I was watching an episode of CSI. Apparently Ninja M found this picture hilarious. The email's subject read, "Happy Thanksgiving," and the body, "Hope it's not a handful."

I remember thinking, "That's a weird email." However, it was Thanksgiving, so I responded, "Haha, thanks. You too."

On Christmas Day I received the same picture by email. This time Ninja K left the subject blank and simply wrote, "Hope your holiday doesn't become a handful!"

I did not respond.

On January 24, 2009, the body read, "Hope your inauguration doesn't become a handful!"

After this message I confronted Ninja M, telling him that these emails were getting a bit strange and I did not find them funny. I'm sure he snickered, "Are they a handful?"

I am equally sure I gave him a confused and frustrated stare before walking away.

We went to a showing of Waltz With Bashir with some other friends on February 16. After the movie ended Ninja M snapped a picture of me with his IPhone, then immediately emailed it to me. You might have guessed the body: "Hope the movie wasn't a handful!"

Since then I have received 17 more emails with his hope that one activity or another was not a handful. Sometimes, when the action was flying home and he had no picture of me doing so, he just used the kitten picture; frequently he took a new picture. He particularly enjoys those in which my hands are, in fact, full; however, if my hands are simply full figuratively that will do as well.

Is Ninja M disappointed that I am still friends with him despite his obvious wish to drive me away? I'm not sure. During this trip to Marseille, though, I began my own campaign: one to make him stop sending me handful emails. It's consisted of doing exactly to him what he has been doing to me.

So far it's been a handful.